Does God Expect Us To Have Self-Control and Say No To Sin

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

God is faithful to give us the grace we need in the situations we are in to resist the devil and turn away from evil. Legalism tries to define what is sin and what is not in order to draw a line that allows us to “safely” get as close to sin as we can without crossing the line. Living by grace draws us away from sin by changing our heart so that we are drawn away from sin. Self-control and obedience should become things that flow out of our heart as we are changed by the renewing of our minds. It isn’t too difficult to be transformed. It is possible to watch all things become new in your life, but it takes a broken and contrite heart that draws you towards God's grace and empowerment. Don’t harden your heart by trying to define what is sin and what isn’t; flee from sin and it will fade away from your life. More than resisting the Devil, we need to run from him.

When we teach self-control to others, we need to assess what their tolerance level is and not place them in situations that are beyond their capacity. We have to teach them gradually how to exercise self-control by observing how they react to insignificant disappointments. As they demonstrate their ability to control their emotions in small disturbances, we can gradually give them greater opportunities to demonstrate self-control. At the same time, demonstrations of a lack of self-control are usually built up to. Because emotions are memories we carry with us from the past, we may lash out at a minor frustration because of an unrelated disappointment we had earlier in the day. Before we go into a situation where we feel we might be tested to lose control, we need to assess whether we are in a healthy place emotionally.

The only person you can control is yourself. You can influence others; you can control yourself.

When my son asks me if I will build a complex car track with him that I know is beyond my ability to control myself from getting frustrated, I say no. I am modeling how to not put myself in a situation that I know I can’t handle. If he still wants to build it on his own, I might let him begin the process while evaluating how he is processing frustration as the track builds and rebuilds the track as it falls apart. I see if he can handle exercising control of his emotions. If he can't then I will remove the toy and direct him towards a different activity. As a father, I have to teach my son how to manage his emotions, in part, by managing the situations he is placed in. One of the biggest influences I have seen on my son's growth in self-control is my ability to exercise self-control in my life. As I model to him how to exercise self-control even when he knows my emotions are riled up, I can see him grow in his own self-control, modeling what he sees. It's been said that self-control, as well as many other character traits and emotions, are contagious like colds - people will catch the emotions you sneeze out.

You always lead by example - people will catch what you do before they listen to what you say.

Life is a self-feeding process. When you live your life in a controlled manner - making sure to do the things you would want others to do - others will follow your example. When you live out of control, others will model that. As they become more out of control, you will also become more out of control. Your self-control or lack thereof builds self-control in others, and as others around you have greater self-control, you will be able to go deeper in the self-control in your life - living precisely as the person you want to become. You can influence others, but you can only control yourself. As you dedicate the effort to grow in self-control, you will influence the world by changing the only person you can - yourself.